Posts Tagged ‘WTF’

Do it for the birds

April 30, 2010

Hummingbird enthusiasts, how far are you willing to go for the ultimate hummingbird experience? Because a California inventor has created a hummingbird feeder that you wear on your face. For $79.95 (shipping included) you buy one of these plastic helmets to pop on your head, sit quietly and motionless near a tree, and wait for the buzzing little birds to zoom up and drink sweet sugar water from a hole between your eyes. It sounds sort of awesome, and sort of terrifying.

This is real. It’s for when  you want to sit on your lawn waiting for a Hummingbird to suck nectar from your head. Mother’s Day is coming up fast, you know.

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Teacher with bunny phobia sues 14-yr-old for drawing; Also, owl w/ fear of heights

April 30, 2010

I love catching stories like this  from the Telegraph UK going across the wires:

A teacher with a phobia over rabbits is suing a 14-year-old pupil for compensation after she drew a bunny on the blackboard.

The teacher, from Vechta, Germany, says she was traumatised by the drawing, and claims the girl knew it would terrify her.

She had transferred to the school where a pupil from her former school had just become a pupil and told her new friends about the teacher’s fear of rabbits.

“We did it for fun and out of curiosity”, one of the girls told a court, adding, “We wanted to see if she would really freak out.”

School officials removed her from the class and now the teacher is seeking compensation for her terror and her loss of earnings, her lawyer Manfred Bormann told the court.

The case continues.

Since I’m on the subject of phobias, here’s a good story on a tawny owl whose childhood trauma left him afraid of heights.

Troy the Tawny Owl

Betty White with flaming chainsaw, riding John Ritter… Portland asked/received

April 19, 2010

The Portland Mercury asked readers what they wanted for a cover, and THIS is what they decided on…

Betty White with Flaming Chainsaw on John Ritter

And you thought that “Keep Portland Weird” sign was a joke. Portland wished and Andrew Zubko granted… I love the Mercury.

A is for Anarchy – Books for ‘Hipster Children’

April 8, 2010

A group called Soundscreen Design has published a trio of books for “hipster children.” I’m fairly certain that, had my parents read me Never Mind Your Ps and Qs – Here’s the Punk Rock Alphabet, I’d have been an accountant by the time I was 14… just to rebel.                                                       

The other two books are M is for Metal, and ABC&W The Country and Western Alphabet. If you are wondering “How do I tell my kid his first boob joke?,” or, “What’s the best way to teach my kid to flip the bird,” that ABC&W book should be  considered in your portfolio of options. Whichever genre you choose, know who’s buying these books? You and this guy:

epic fail photos - Family Photo Fail

Just saying.

But “M is for mohawk, a silly hairdo / It has lots of points, but it has no point, too” is still funny.

(I saw in in a link from the New York Post blog section.)

Because Happy Na’tl Grammmar Dai, I hates it.

March 4, 2010

My day just took a turn for the worse: I found out some hateful being has declared today “National Grammar Day.”

It’s not an especially effective declaration–I bet you have not appropriately celebrated that you are also in the grips of National Kidney Month, National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month, National Crafts Month and National Nutrition Month combined. Still, it’s the sentiment, and  someone out there–you, the one who put in a blog that you can’t stand Dylan’s Lay Lady Lay or  the Rolling Stones’ Satisfaction because of their grammar errors–is listening to music incorrectly.

A grammar snob is like a hall monitor on a highway… no one asked him to exercise authority that was never given him, and he accomplishes squat. What he does is akin to publishing an art critique ignoring the art and focusing on the paintbrush the artist used.

If we want to correct our grammar we know where to go. Unrequested grammar correction is fueled by smug. Smug is what powered Eats, Shoots and Leaves up the charts. This particular brand of idiot savant smug appeals to our lower brain functions–the type that compel us to follow leaders and eat those weaker than us. I hates it.

I’ll have you know that I’ve been a mediocre semi-pro in the grammar leagues (pausing for  dramatic effect). Coach told me I had gumption but that I just didn’t have that killer instinct. Maybe I’ll try again (NOT), but when league play was done I left my starched-and-pressed jersey behind. You don’t see football players shit-talking about who knows NFL rules better and grammar is not that different.

I reject the idea that there is one correct form of English handed down from a higher power. When required, I follow AP grammar and punctuation style precisely. When appropriate, I follow other standardized styles with far different rules and requirements. And in between, I love grammar and punctuation chaos. I will admit this: “You must understand the ‘rules’ of grammar before you break them.” The NY Times blog said that today and I agree.

Finally, in this moment of agitation, and in the spirit of the festivities, I will admit two things. Don’t call them “peeves.” First, I can’t condone “was”/”were” misuse. One professor I had as an undergrad said Hemingway never got that one right (professor knew this because he worked at the KC Star not long after Papa left). Hemingway did alright. Second, there’s no real benefit in misusing “that” where “who” is proper. It jars my ears, that one.

 Anyway.

Real Good Moments in Journalism

December 29, 2009

Someone fell for it. wow.

Here’s the paper’s online edition, which apparently had the caption on it for a while as well. Need a litte more proof? Try ‘save as’ on that picture–it’s called Haywood.

Wu-Tang Clan ain’t Nothin’ to Hug With

December 29, 2009

saw it on ffffound.com

Detective pulls gun on snowball-throwing crowd

December 21, 2009

Santa statues as murder weapons? Carolers punching cops? And now, fighting snowballs with guns? A DC crowd in the hundreds was having fun in a snowball fight when a few of them decided to hurl snowballs at a passing Hummer. BAD IDEA. The off-duty detective got out and, just to show he was serious, pulled his piece.

‘It was pretty fun,’ one unidentified participant told reporters. ‘But when the gun came out, it just changed the tone of the thing a little bit.’

Ya think?

Christmas caroling ends with police officer punched in face

December 21, 2009

The Sidney Morning Herald just posted a story. This is turning into a violent Christmas.

At least they didn’t have a nativity scene…

December 21, 2009

A man was apparently beaten to death with a santa statue outside of his estranged wife’s home.

Movie industry to world: Do NOT F with us

December 4, 2009

A theater had someone arrested for recording her sister’s birthday party on a small digital camera because it included a little Twilight footage with the friends talking over it. This is a felony charge! Do not bring your own candy, they will go GITMO ON YOU!!

From the sound of the article, the theater called police on her, police were not that impressed with the birthday footage’s criminal content, but the theater insisted on pressing charges. Before this, another report says an usher saw her taking photos of her family in the theater but gave no warning. The alleged felon says police were nice to her and seemed sympathetic. She served two nights in jail before she could get out (no bond required), and faces three years! That would be about a year for each minute of grainy digital camera footage she took of the movie!

Why no articles name the theater, I do not know. There is no reason to protect the name of the accuser in this instance.

Copyright holders could use all of the help they can get right now. They do not need this! Message to theaters: wait till you find someone who was actually taping a movie before you make your strongarm move. We’ll all support you then. Till then chillax, a-holes.